NCAA Basketball

2018 March Madness Midwest-West Regions Mascot Bracket


Alright, let’s be honest. It’s tourney time, but the majority of us haven’t had the time or attention span to learn all the major players on the major teams. And as fun as bracket pools are, the probability of getting a perfect bracket is 1 in 9.2 quintillion, or about as high as the Browns winning the 2018 Super Bowl. (This line seemed funnier before free agency started).

So for those of us with no real rooting interest besides rooting against Duke, Tyler Thompson and I have decided to break down the important matchups in this tournament — the mascots. If the mascots (key word here: mascot, not nickname. This will be important later) fought 1v1, who would cut down the nets? It’s the 2018 March Madness Mascot Bracket!

I’m talking my way through the West and Midwest regions, while Tyler handled the East/South regions. We’ll get together later for a discussion about the Final Four.

2018 March Madness Midwest-West Regions

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West Region

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Round of 64

  • (16) Texas Southern Tigers over (1) Xavier Musketeers – Let’s get things started with a bang. The Musketeers might’ve had a chance on their own against the Texas Southern Tigers, but do you see that blue blob on the right up there? Yeah, that’s Blue Blob. Xavier’s other mascot. So now we’re playing 2v2 and within seconds those Tigers have torn Blue Blob to… smaller Blobs? And as spectacular as D’Artagan the Musketeer’s name is, he has no shot against two Tigers.
  • (9) Florida State Seminoles over (8) Missouri Tigers – The Missouri Tiger looks like this.
  • (5) Ohio State Buckeyes over (12) South Dakota St. Jackrabbits – I don’t have high hopes for Brutus the Buckeye, but I’m sure he can handle some Jackrabbits.
  • (13) University of North Carolina Greensboro Spartans over (4) Gonzaga Bulldogs – One of two Spartans in the tournament, I’m deducting points because their name is just too long. It doesn’t roll off the tongue at all. Still, they advance past the Bulldogs. Side note: bulldogs aren’t cute. Don’t @ me.
  • (6) Houston Cougars over (11) San Diego State Aztec Warriors – San Diego State takes the L by default as they retired their mascot in 2017.
  • (14) Montana Grizzlies over (3) Michigan Wolverines – Too bad Michigan’s mascot isn’t the X-Man Wolverine or they would’ve had this entire tournament in the bag easily.
  • (7) Texas A&M Aggies over (10) Providence Friars – Chalk one up for Aggies everywhere (UC Davis!) in the most unexciting matchup of the tournament as the possibly the most terrifying mascot in this bracket still chooses not to fight back against the Agriculturals.
  • (15) Lipscomb Bisons over (2) University of North Carolina Tar Heels – Only in a mascot bracket (and Duke tournament runs) can a completely unknown team upset one of the great college programs of all time.

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Round of 32

  • (9) Florida State Seminoles over (16) Texas Southern Tigers – The Seminoles already have experience with Tigers after getting rid of the Missouri Tigers in Round 1. They’re looking strong early.
  • (13) University of North Carolina Greensboro Spartans over (5) Ohio State Buckeyes – Honesty hour. I didn’t really research the Buckeyes mascot when I was considering him for Round 1. I assumed he’d be able to kick a jackrabbit’s ass. Now I know that he is an “anthropomorphic buckeye nut” and that he was actually once eaten by a giant squirrel in a Daily Show skit. He loses this round to the Long Name Spartans.
  • (14) Montana Grizzlies over (6) Houston Cougars – Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galatica. Cougars have no shot.
  • (15) Lipscomb Bison over (2) Texas A&M Aggies – An early farewell to my alma mater’s sister mascot as Reveille is cute as hell, but would ultimately get tramped by a Bison.

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  • (9) Florida State Seminoles over University of North Carolina Greensboro Spartans – This one was pretty close. Both mascots are fierce fighters of completely different time periods. Hm… oh well. Tie goes to the shorter name. Just kidding. I’ve gone through dozens of pictures and the UNCG Spartan doesn’t carry a weapon while Osceola consistently carries a (sometimes flaming) spear.
  • (14) Montana Grizzlies over (15) Lipscomb Bison – This heavyweight fight was a close one to call. Let’s go to the tale of the tape:
WeightUp to 1,200 poundsUp to 2,000 pounds
Max SpeedUp to 35 miles per hourUp to 40 miles per hour

I was thiiiiis close to awarding the victory to the Bison. Strength and speed are very important to consider this time of the year. However, I then came across this, from

“Do Bison Have Any Predators?

Both wolves and grizzly bears will hunt and eat bison. A bison carcass provides a delicious treat for scavengers and other carnivores.”

Case closed.

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Elite Eight

  • (14) Montana Grizzlies over (9) Florida State Seminoles – Osceola is a fierce looking guy, but his best case scenario is Leonardo DiCaprio’s character’s fate in The Revenant which is uh…. Not great, Bob. Plus, look at that headband. Outrageous amounts of swag.

Midwest Region

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Round of 64

  • (16) University of Pennsylvania Quakers over (1) Kansas Jayhawks – Another 16 over 1 upset! Quakers are pacifists by nature, but I’m sure after a while they’d get hungry and would be willing to put that aside to down these Jayhawks. Side note: This mascot is scary looking as hell. He looks like an evil Tom Brady. Rex Ryan sees this guy in his nightmares.
  • (9) NC State Wolfpack over (8) Seton Hall Pirates – Even the Wolfpack from The Hangover could deal with this goofy looking pirate that can’t even decide which eye to wear his eyepatch over.
  • (12) New Mexico State Aggies over (5) Clemson Tigers – Another Aggie representative! I don’t even have to make up advantages for New Mexico State’s “Pistol Pete” though as he literally carries two pistols. A new favorite has emerged.
  • (4) Auburn Tigers over (13) Charleston Cougars – In a battle of big cats, Aubie the Tiger takes it.
  • (11) Arizona State Sun Devils over (6) TCU Horned Frogs – While the Horned Frogs’ mascot is surprisingly badass, the Sun Devil just looks SO evil. I love it. The trident doesn’t hurt.
  • (3) Michigan State Spartans over (14) Bucknell Bison – The Lipscomb Bison had a nice run in the West region but the Bucknell Bison just looks soft. He’s got this little afro and a nice smile… Sparty takes this one.
  • (7) University of Rhode Island Rams over (10) Oklahoma Sooners – One of my least favorite mascots/team names takes an L here. What is a Sooner anyways? I don’t really know but it was going to lose eventually so better Sooner than later *ba dum tss*
  • (2) Duke Blue Devils over (15) Iona Gaels – This one would’ve been closer if I had gone with my original idea of using Grayson Allen as Duke’s official mascot. Unfortunately for Iona, the Duke Blue Devil has much bigger biceps than Allen and has more moves in his arsenal than just tripping people.

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Round of 32

  • (9) NC State Wolfpack over (16) University of Pennsylvania Quakers – Pretty much anything would’ve gotten these Quakers outta here. The whole Wolfpack didn’t even need to show up for this matchup.
  • (12) New Mexico State Aggies over (4) Auburn Tigers – At first, I assumed this was going to be a pushover. This man has GUNS! But then I thought about it. The man’s name is “Pistol Pete” – emphasis on the “pistol.” I needed to see what he was packing. Based on this picture (and everything I’ve learned from watching Westworld), he’s carrying your typical cowboy revolver. Now based on some quick research I did, I believe he would have the capability to kill a tiger with these guns. Case closed. Pistol Pete moves on.
  • (3) Michigan State Spartans over (11) Arizona State Sun Devils – With the amount of research I’ve put into this article, I may truly have to re-evaluate my life. It turns out the moniker “Sun Devil” is a bit of a misnomer. On Arizona State’s own website, they refer to him as an “imp.” A lowly imp is not going to be enough to take down Sparty.
  • (2) Duke Blue Devils over (7) University of Rhode Island Rams – While the Sun Devils were frauds, Duke’s Blue Devils seem to be more legit. He looks like a blue Daredevil but with vision. The Blue Devils actually get their name from a French WWI fighting unit, the Chasseur Alpins. Not sure how it relates to Duke, but they’ll probably kill some Rams.

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Sweet 16

  • (12) New Mexico State Aggies over (9) NC State Wolfpack – Here’s where things, if we took them at face value, could get a little interesting. A lone gunman versus a pack of wolves? Now we’re talking. Unfortunately, that’s not the situation. Contrary to their name, NC State’s mascot is not a pack of wolves, but rather, Mr. and Mrs. Wuf. Pistol Pete ends this quickly as he takes Mrs. Wuf hostage, forcing Mr. Wuf to stand down and wave the white flag.
  • (3) Michigan State Spartans over (2) Duke Blue Devils – Two honorable men of combat face off in a battle to the death. After hours of fighting towards a stalemate, the two men decide to settle things the good old-fashioned way – arm wrestling. Sparty’s lifetime of bicep curls finally pays off as he heads to the Elite Eight.

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Elite Eight

  • (12) New Mexico State Aggies over (2) Michigan State Spartans – Kind of boring, but the man has guns! This was unfair from the start. Sparty tries to do that lame movie thing where he challenges Pistol Pete to fight like a man, but Pete doesn’t bite. The duel ends quickly as the crowd boos. (It’s still go Aggies though).

And we’re set! The 14 seed Montana Grizzlies and the 12 seed New Mexico Aggies advance to the Final Four to face whichever deadly mascot warriors Tyler has picked coming out of the East/South regions.

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Tune in later this week as Tyler and I will break down the Final Four and crown a 2018 NCAA Mascot Madness champion.

In the meantime, feel free to find me on Twitter @k_huo if you find anything in particular to disagree with. Except that bulldogs aren’t cute. Don’t @ me about that.

About Kevin Huo

Kevin is a fantasy football writer for Fantasy Six Pack. He considers every angle - whether statistical or theoretical - when weighing his options and isn't afraid to be a contrarian. You can follow him on Twitter: @KevinMHuo

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